Just Sad


As Ms. Kennedy has pointed out, it’s hard to write when you’re fucking sad. The year has not gotten off to a great start: I’ve been having some, shall we say, medical issues, we’ve all been laid low by yet another cold the twins brought home, and I gotta say, I don’t think the marriage therapy is working. I still think the guy is okay–he’s nice and all–but I don’t think his particular methods are helping us in our situation. Because you know what? The sense I am getting is that we really need to have it out. ALL OUT. And we’re not getting to do that. Not that I think we should set up to destroy each other, but interrupting us about the nuances of some communication skill when we’re just starting to get to one of the core issues that is bothering us…it just doesn’t work. We’re going around in circles. He makes good points about how we’re communicating, but there are actual beliefs and behaviors that need to be addressed. And that’s not happening. So we remain bitter and resentful, which hardly helps our commitment to trying new communication modes. We’re too pissed off.

Some of these issues are so old, I get frightened that we’ll never work them out.

All this would be stressful enough with nothing going on, but it has made it particularly hard to focus on the website clients I secured recently. The husband is already pissed, and taking on more twin duties while I try to deal with these people has not exactly helped matters.

I don’t actually make a lot of money doing websites and computer repair. The husband has little faith I’ll be able to get a decent job once the girls are in school (indeed, he is convinced I am totally allergic to the concept of work), but my feeling is it can’t hurt to keep up with technology a bit by doing my feelance gigs, and it would probably hurt my chances if I didn’t. And I happen to enjoy doing it. It beats wiping twin bottoms…though now that I think about it sometimes it’s not that different. Whatever. It’s interesting. Oh yeah, and it’s a good tax write-off.

I suppose it has been good for the girls to see me working, too. They have come along with me on some house calls, and they have gotten to see first-hand some of the stuff I help people with. When my parents gave them a dollhouse (a twin dollhouse no less) for Christmas, they immediately set the mom doll at the little computer.

“This is where the mama goes,” one twin said.
“Yeah, she’s doing computer work!” said the other.

It was kind of heartwarming.

I may have to get a real job just to pay for all of our frigging therapy…

I guess it hasn’t been all bad, though. the Democrats took back Congress (hallelujah!). Colbert did a fantastic job on the O’Reilley Factor. Wordpress just came out with a new release, 2.1 (if you swing that way, I’m still pretty much on the fence about the whole Wordpress vs. Movable Type thing). My sister just sent me the lovely Ubuntu Hacks book for my birthday next month.

And the girls have yet to make the mom and dad dolls sleep in separate rooms.

P.S. There is a new navigation tab, can you spot it? More about that next time.

* * * * * * * *
Hello, cheap-ass business peeps!
Top 10 Flickr Hacks
Engrish.com

Information and Links

Join the fray by commenting, tracking what others have to say, or linking to it from your blog.


Other Posts
They Just Don’t Learn
Excuse Me While I Totally Neglect My Kids to Lie Here and Read

Reader Comments

So sorry things have been rough. If you need a place to spout, please email me.

*sigh*

I understand. We went to a therapist who was a lovely, nice woman………who would spend half our sessions talking about her and then the other half agreeing with us. It was nice to be affirmed…..it just did nothing to help.

We moved to a bona fide phychologist and *knock wood* it’s working out better. For us, we needed someone who could say “Let’s figure out the problems and then develop a plan to solve them”.

But yeah……….

Thank you guys. I called the therapist and told him I didn’t think it’s working, and we may try a different tack next week. The disappointing thing is that this is therapist #2–the first one was just like yours, Cyndi. Nice but totally unhelpful, basically a waste of time.

Thanks for the sympathy y’all. I’m going to try to focus on other things for a while, because I’m sure the psychodrama is getting old!

If it helps, you helped me. A while ago you mentioned the book Buddhism for Mothers. While I couldn’t find a copy to peruse nearby, and I still plan to order it, it provoked a discussion with my philosophy-major nephew who suggested a few of his favorite books on Buddhist-type philosophy. The one I ended up picking up and reading is called The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. I HIGHLY recommend this book. In fact, perhaps it would offer some insight into dealing with your issues w/ your husband. Never has a book so influenced me and changed my overall view of how I perceive life. If not for reading your blog, I don’t think I would have had the conversation with my nephew and, well, the rest is history. Good luck and keep writing!

Kudos to you for sharing your ickyness. It’s so much easier to blog witty and cheerful posts.
I wish I had a good therapist to recommend. I didn’t have any luck with the ones I’ve seen here in SLO (and I ended up getting divorced). BUT I will say this; I’m best friend’s with my X now and here is why: we spent time working on ourselves. By getting grounded and centered with our own crap, we built a friendship based on respect and compassion. Why must we be so judgemental and unforgiving of the one we love the most? I have no idea. Lemme know if you figure it out.