The husband promised to send a post about 9/11 with some interesting questions about the whole event, but I haven’t heard from him, so hey, why not talk about my ass? At the beginning of October, it will be attending Bruce’s 40th high school reunion on the other coast. Since it’s not likely I’ll be able to drop ten pounds/get a boob job by then, I was looking for a dress for an impossibly fun body type: no boobs, no shoulders, big caboose, slightly-flabbed tummy, somewhat tall. Possibilities I examined include this jacket (could it cover the saddlebags more perfectly?) and this dress.

I love the jacket, but my fear is that it might be a little too hippie for a gathering that’s taking place a stone’s throw from New York City. It’s definitely my style, but I imagine everyone else is probably going to be wearing a lot of subdued (read: boring) black. Which is kind of appropriate since so many of Bruce’s classmates are already dead.

And yet a girdle will probably be in order for my youngish little self, since my tummy has never quite recovered from gestating twins. This, coupled with my dad’s-side saddlebag gene, makes dress shopping especially tricky. It has to be just the right cut and fabric, because anything semi-clingy on the thighs and my lovely saddlebags will be revealed in all their horrifying glory. So I need a true A-line or circle skirt–absolutely nothing that hints of bias-cut or a pencil shape. This, for example, is just about the worst thing I could possibly wear. (The sad thing is I used to be able to wear things like that).

Anyway, pencil skirts? Easy to find. A-line/circle skirts? Not so much. This would be perfect, but is obviously waaaaaaay out of the budget. Now that it’s September a lot of lighter-colored dresses are on sale, which great, but my understanding is people on the east coast actually sort of adhere to that silly rule about not wearing white after Labor Day. Unlike us granola-crunching California hippies who couldn’t care less.

Ultimately I ordered this. I guess it’s the wrong fabric for October, but at least it’s black. I still can’t believe I found something that covers the ass problem AND has a neckline I can deal with AND I could afford it. That almost never happens.

I may yet order the jacket as a safety measure in case the dress doesn’t work out. Now it’s on to the *!?!@! shoes, the jewelry, and something to keep the gut contained.