How not to get your kid to smile for a shot
Bruce and I saw a guy hit his kid today. We were visiting the Santa Barbara Zoo for the afternoon, and were near the fountain where a bunch of people were sitting. A couple was trying to get a shot of this little boy, probably about 2, sitting on the lap of what I assume was his father. The kid was very unhappy, and clearly not in the mood for a Kodak moment. But the more the kid tried to squirm out of his dad’s grip, the more tense the dad got. “C’mon, just…hold…still…for ONE second, okay?” This went on for quite a while, and I noticed he was gritting his teeth. But the kid wasn’t having it. He was tired and cranky and wanted no part of it. Finally, after the kid was almost hysterical, the guy put the kid down on the ground. Then I thought I saw a flurry of movement out of the corner of my eye. Hmmm, that was weird…what was that? And then the kid started crying and screaming. Bruce told me on the drive home that he saw the dad basically give the kid a lightning-quick punch to the side, and he did it in a way that tried to conceal it from the mom. The kid immediately became enraged and tried to hit him back. Naturally mom scolded him for this.
Way to get a happy family picture, dude. I wonder why he wouldn’t smile for you.
It reminded me of a discussion Bruce and I have been having a lot lately on the topic of “public parenting.” I’ve been scolded by the public a few times since I had kids, mostly over stupid stuff. Once an old lady didn’t think I was supporting a baby head well enough when I was walking down the steet carrying a twin in a sling. Another time their preschool teacher caught me cheating on their carseat clips a little as we were leaving (ok, not a good thing…our house is really, really close, though). And more recently I received a chilly remark from the employees at a grocery store when the girls managed to tip over our shopping cart…AGAIN. But mostly people have been very patient and understanding when I’ve been in public with the girls, especially when they see that I have twins. I’ve had many days where the girls just about drove me to the breaking point. But punching a kid for not cooperating with a photo opportunity? How lame is that?
If we were more assertive, we might have had a few words for this asshat, or at least given him the evil eye. However, we concluded the dad didn’t seem like the type that would A) learn anything, or B) take the advice of stangers without punching the strangers. Still, I wish there was some way we could have turned that situation around for that little boy. He was just being a toddler. The most baffling part for me is why women have kids with guys like this…
What parenting horrors have you witnessed in public?
Further Reading Opportunity!
Scoldings from Strangers by Katy Read in the Summer 2006 issue of Brain,Child.
“These days, scoldings are reserved for the parents. The village speaks, and none too kindly.”
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(Please forgive the long comment)A few months ago leaving a video store, a man shoved his little girl. He had two little girls with him & the smaller of the girls (about 4 years old) stopped for a split-second to look at something in the foyer. They were a few steps behind me but just as we were all outside, I heard a scuffle & then the distinct sound of a child falling to the pavement. I turned around expecting to see him helping her up as I looked at their faces, I realized she hadn’t tripped: the man had PUSHED her. He looked scary-angry & the little girls just looked scared. When he saw me trying to process what happened, he just scooped her up, roughly grabbed the other one’s hand & ran to his van. I was too horrified to say/do anything but cry. Another incident took place at Circuit City during Christmas. A woman found a little girl, lost, in the PARKING LOT. This was a LITTLE girl & Michigan-December is around 30-something degrees outside. This woman brought her into the store for the mother to be paged. Mommy showed up at the service desk but instead of being relieved to see her child proceeded to go NUTS, screaming & threatening the woman who found the kid (OUTSIDE, IN THE BUSY PARKING LOT) about “people minding their own fucking business” & calling her all sorts of names. The other woman was confused, then angry & the manager ended up stepping between them to prevent a fistfight! Frankly, people like these & the man you wrote about scare the hell out of me. I know they can be frustrating, but really, why have kids if you aren’t prepared to deal with the not-so-great moments?