Sleeping in, pancakes for breakfast, nice hot coffee…sounds like a pretty nice Father’s Day, doesn’t it? Only that’s what I got this morning, courtesy of the patient husband, because I was too fucked up to get up this morning. It gets better: I forgot to get him a present. In my defense I DID ask him several times last week what he might like and he couldn’t think of anything, and I couldn’t really think of anything either (that I could afford anyway, and short of lame cliché gifts) and then I forgot! But there’s no excuse, really. I suck. Tomorrow I will be letting him sleep in at least.

We walked down to a bar last night and had a few drinks, something we haven’t done in at least three years. I didn’t get carded, but after a cosmopolitan and a beer I really didn’t care. In fact, I felt so good after a little over an hour I suggested we leave, because I was afraid I’d either start dancing on the pool tables or wind up throwing up in my purse on the way home. (Like my sister did last month. Ha). We got home on the early side and Miss C said everything went fine, not a peep from the babes. Perfect opportunity for a little friendly business, right? I took a shower and I kid you not, the second we headed for the bedroom the screaming started. For two hours. I have no idea why; every time I asked Darcy she just screamed harder for her favorite stuffed animals and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Okay, so this is not really the worst thing in the world, and I was happier than usual to comfort since I was drunk. But this went on for a long time and by 2am I couldn’t take any more, and I told Bruce I wasn’t getting up again no matter what. I had a hard time falling asleep since I was no longer drunk and felt guilty for getting mad at a two year-old. But I finally fell asleep. Then the other twin started this same routine at precisely 5am. If I had known this was going to happen maybe I wouldn’t have bothered going out at all.

After all this Bruce not only let me sleep in, but he has diaper thumb now. What is diaper thumb, you ask? It’s when your skin get irritated and peel-y from the little Velcro tabs on diapers, something that happens when you are changing about a billion diapers. At first I thought he was just being a wuss. But he showed me the thumb, and lo and behold, it’s pretty messed up–a classic case of Diaper Thumb.

I think Bruce is the guy they made all those cheesy “Super Dad” shirts for.

No, potty training hasn’t gone anywhere, in case you were wondering.

The computer from hell finally got sold a while ago. I was ecstatic to get that thing out of my face, though to be honest, after I put in a motherboard that wasn’t a piece of shit, it really wasn’t a bad computer after all. It was a whole new being—you know, a machine that would turn on and off when you asked it to. A mom bought it for her home-schooled kid, and I saved myself a trip to the end of the pier. I got about $600 for it, which only sounds like a lot of money. My profit margin was almost nothing before I switched the motherboard and afterwards I’m not even sure I broke even. But I learned a lot. I will never buy another ECS motherboard again, for one thing. I noticed that the barebones kit I bought is no longer shipping with that POS motherboard; they’re using a completely different one now. (Probably equally shitty). And I’m done with Wintergreen Systems. I will NOT be using them for my next project. I have another client that wants me to built her a kickass “money-is-no-object” system in August, something I am both excited about and dreading, because as Bruce said…it’s going to be painful to put it in someone else’s house.

Business has been pretty good, but I’m getting less and less time to do it in. With naptimes and bedtime I used to have three or four hours a day left over to do stuff, which is pathetic enough, but that’s been cut in half now that I have to monitor the girls at bedtime. I have to stay in the room with them like a prison warden, because with cribless twins it’s like a big pajama party. If I am very, very lucky, sometimes they will fall asleep in half an hour–but often it takes over an hour for them to settle down. And I read recently that the girls are probably going to stop napping completely in about six months. Dear God. How I will survive this phase I don’t know. My little business will die, I know that much. This depresses me.

Apropos of nothing, I called Olympus and they said they don’t make replacements for that wide-angle lenscap I lost. If I had realized that lenscap was replaceable only with Tupperware, I would have looked harder for it on that hill.

I don’t usually comment on celebrity stuff because I think it’s kind of lame…but I’ll make an exception: what it up with all this Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes shit I keep getting emails about? 16 years isn’t really even a whole generational difference. Nobody blinked when Michael Douglas did it. No, I think people are jumping on Tom because lately he’s been a prick and revealing himself to be the kind of sad screwed-up nutbag that Scientology creates. That child’s ticket Brooke Shields sent ought to be for him, not Katie.

And yo, my tomatoes will beat up your zucchinis any time.

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Open Shutter - Think an hour is a long exposure? Try three years
How to get here: Googling “girls in bad mood”
Time to get new roomies
Bush is a Punk-Ass Chump
Types of conjoined twins - last one pretty creepy
Speaking with a forked tongue